I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
