Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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