i think my tv is drunk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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