shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
