How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
