I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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