The maid of honor just puked.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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