You can't motorboat a personality
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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