she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
