why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
