I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
