I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
