I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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