So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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