Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Everyone says I win the strip club
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
