There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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