I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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