lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
