Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
