I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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