he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
