Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
