you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This house was built for laser tag.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All I want is dick and wine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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