WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
