i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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