I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
