I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
