You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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