But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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