I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
