hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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