like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
