Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
