But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
