I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
