I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
