you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
