Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Randomize
