Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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