I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
