Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
