my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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