ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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