not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i out mim tonsoeep
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
