you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
