I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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