NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
