I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
