I wish life had little blips of pornography
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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