Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
