based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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