I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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